Sunday July 18,

As far as our brains are concerned, there’s very little difference between really good chocolate and really good sex.
A fine crŹme brulée can cure any number of emotional ills, and any woman will agree that if you bury a bad day under enough whipped cream, it doesn’t seem so bad after all. Why do some foods make us feel so good? (And why, oh why, are they all so fattening?)

Chocolate bails us out of hormone jail.

We women know that when we’re sailing the good ship PMS, a chunk of dark chocolate is just the thing to calm those stormy seas. Our pre-menstrual craving for sweet, fatty foods doesn’t just stem from a desire to comfort and pamper ourselves. Our higher progesterone levels cause the body to store more fat—no surprises there—bringing about a drop in fat levels in the blood. This triggers a craving for fat.

We respond by eating more fatty foods around that time, especially rich, sweet foods like chocolate. (At this point, we should all pause for a moment to thank the ‘Hormone Gods’ for providing us with a handy excuse to stuff our faces with a second slice of Sachertorte.) One can even go as far as to say that the soothing effects of chocolate on a woman in the throes of PMS are responsible for the survival of the human race. This is because a chunk of chocolate is probably the only thing stopping us from strangling our mates for leaving a wet towel on the bed for the 100th time.

This is your brain. This is your brain on chocolate. Any questions?

The truth is, chocolate isn’t really a candy. It’s a drug. Cocoa contains about 300 different chemicals and compounds. One of these, phenyl ethylamine, is a hormone similar to an amphetamine. And amphetamines are called ‘speed’ for a reason. They act on the neurotransmitters of the brain, making the person more alert, delivering a jolt of energy and a feeling of exhilaration. In other words, chocolate is highly addictive. The term ‘chocoholic’ is an apt description. Chocolate cravings can become so intense that they can drive ‘addicts’ out at night looking for a hit—or at least one user, personally known to this writer.

Chocolate also contains stimulants, including caffeine and theobromine, which create a buzz that helps the tired brain keep on going. The sugar slump that follows, however can be quite draining. Happily, the sudden loss of energy following a sugar high can be counteracted by consuming more chocolate. Chocolate stimulates the mind and boosts imagination and creativity. This makes it a good friend to students, artists and, ahem, writers, who rely on the near-transcendental experience of chocolate consumption to prompt new ideas for their works of art. Many wonderful novels have been written by women under the influence of chocolate.

Foods can make us see rainbows

Chocolate, and its good friend and fellow feel-good food, ice cream, both stimulate the production of serotonin, the brain’s happy hormone. We get the same result from eating cheese, milk, and turkey, and starchy foods like pasta and mashed potatoes. Serotonin deficiencies are identified with depression, anxiety, insomnia, migraines, alcoholism, compulsive behaviour and a host of other ills. Boosting serotonin levels, however, is linked to feelings of well-being, euphoria, and peace and goodwill to all mankind. It’s therefore a wise, wise woman who keeps her ice cream levels up at all times.

Food can make us think naughty thoughts

Phenyl ethylamine, found in chocolate, causes the release of pleasure-inducing, pain-reducing dopamine into the brain. It’s no surprise that phenyl ethylamine levels peak during orgasm. Chocolate and ice cream are mild aphrodisiacs, partly because of their effect on the brain, and partly because their rich, creamy, luxurious texture is so pleasurable. In an Italian study, women who ate dark chocolate daily find sex more satisfying, and are more often in the mood. This is probably why men have been plying women with gifts of chocolate for centuries. They may have outsmarted themselves, however. In a study conducted in the UK, women reported that eating dark chocolate was more pleasurable for them than passionate kissing. Fifty per cent of women said they preferred chocolate to sex. Commenting at this point would be way too easy, so let’s just leave it at that.

Yummy yummy in the tummy

Feel-good foods mellow us out and improve our mood. Some are literally better than sex. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all ate more of the good stuff?