Sunday August 22,

What is the ideal age range to be committed with one person for the rest of your life? Are you really ready?

The truth is when you start asking yourself that question chances are two things are happening to you: you’re either ready or not ready to be committed. There is no in-between. If there are ifs and buts you’re just not ready to settle down.

Based on personal experience, being in love at ages 18 or 20 or 21 does not mean that you’re ready to be committed. I see couples brandishing profiles on Facebook with their dried up lovers, boasting to the world that “we are in love” and showing off their trophies. When you look at the age range of these folks, most of them are no older than 25, especially the young ladies. To them being in love or having a boyfriend is a form of entertainment or personal gratification. But the truth is it’s simply a sign of immaturity and further proof that they have really not grown up mentally, so commitment is out of the question.

Most times their relationship won’t last, yet they risk showing it off on Facebook like it is some CXC result.

So we go back to the same question: what age is ideal for settling down. In my opinion, you must be between 25 and 35 to actually start thinking about settling down with a lifetime partner.

I have dated many girls under 25 and they are not one bit ready.  Some girls – or should I say women – under 25 may be intelligent, easy to talk to and do not act like their in fourth form, but that does mean they are mature enough to commit long-term.

Here are some signs that they are not ready to settle down or are not matured to be considered wife material:

- Claims to being in love with boyfriend but still cheating
- Claims to have feelings for several guys and do not know which one to choose
- Still cannot identify their talent
- Still unable to say what career they want to choose – even while studying
- Still experimenting sexually with one or both sexes
- Cannot hold an intelligent discussion on important topical issues of the day
- Cannot hold a decent conversation on msn messenger
- Infatuated with Lil Wayne and making the world know
- Always the centre-piece of the latest gossip
- Not ready for marriage any time soon
- Haven’t completed secondary or some form of tertiary training
- Mainly rely on material things, physical appearance and popularity in choosing the right partner
- Still sleeping around with many partners while in a relationship
- In an unhealthy relationship and do not realise, and still remain in it even after realising
- And many more signs and symptoms

I normally scoff at people or find it funny when they tell me they are madly in love. Check their age: 19, 20, 21. Ask them how long they’ve been in love or been together: three months, five months or one year. Infatuation and love are very powerful and 99.9% of the time are mistaken for genuine love. Until you’ve dated and dated, fallen in and out of love, being in some really bad relationships, taken a break and review your life, then you will inch closer to knowing what really genuine love is.

Some of those force-ripe girls, fresh out of high school and college claim to know what love is. Of course they do: their claim of love is being able to talk to their boyfriend, have fun with him, sex, and that he is just cool. When you dig deeper their man smoke, drink, has no job, don’t know what he wants in life, wants to be a rap artist, sits home chatting online all day, always broke and can’t top up his girl’s phone but always dress in the latest fashion, and sometimes never completed high school education.

Then check the 20 to 22 year olds. Oh my God! Those are the worst! It’s like jumping from the frying pan into fire. Not only are they smart with their immaturity but they actually believe they are ready because they are no longer teenagers. If you’re that age and cannot make firm decisions then you’re not ready to be committed.

Most relationships between 16 and 25 are mere boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. When you start inching closer to 30 that’s when you will realise that you’ve not only wasted a lot of your time with wrong people, your eyes start to open to reality that finding true love is really a needle in a haystack. As you inch closer to 30 that’s when you will develop more patience in finding a lover. Too often, it is difficult because by that time you would have become a drag queen, and saddled with several kids, making it harder to find a “genuine love” who will take on your baggage – male or female.

Speak to men or women who are in their 30s and 40s: they will tell how frisky they were in their early teens and 20s. Now looking back they are able to tell you with confidence that during those years they weren’t ready, it’s just that they thought they were.

I am not telling anyone in the 20 to 25 age group to rethink their relationship. This article is just guidance because so many of us need it. Most of us only learn when we’re actually hurt over and over again.

See ya next week.