While her friends spent their Friday nights and weekends partying, Twylaspeak spent hers online, meeting people and chatting. On blackplanet.com, a social networking Web site, she met Mochabrother, an attractive man who allowed her to vent about a verbally abusive relationship she had just ended. He made her laugh as well, and soon, they were chatting online everyday, revealing their true identities to each other. Today, Twylaspeak and Mochabrother (not their real names) are married, the proud parents of two children, and very much in love with each other.

The stigmas surrounding online dating are fast fading as more and more people find it easier to look for love with the click of a mouse. With matchmaking sites like eHarmony, and Match.com and a myriad of social networking sites such as Facebook, finding a mate online has never been easier. For people who spend a lot of time on sites like these, it seems almost inevitable they would meet and develop a love interest with someone online. Twlyaspeak, a 37-year-old Trinidadian, felt that way. “I kind of knew that I would find love online because the Internet was my social life. While my friends left for after-work parties and fetes on Friday evenings, I would spend my Friday nights and weekends chatting online. So I knew it was inevitable,” she told WomanWise via email.

As in any physical place where you can meet people, finding love online is not as cut and dry. Twylaspeak had to navigate through some suspicious characters before she landed on the right one. Being online makes it so much easier for people to lie about their identities. “You’re always skeptical at first since anyone can fake their identities online. Before meeting my husband, I encountered a few people who were always mysterious and sketchy about some aspects of their life and that sent warning signs that I should not even bother pursuing them. “When I started chatting with him (my husband) I did my homework and he didn’t even know it. I remember doing a search on his name online where I was able to get his phone number, address, his ex-wife’s name and even a map to where he lived. A few days after my search, he sent me all the information that I already had. A lot of people are unaware of how resourceful the Internet is with stuff like that,” she revealed.

While she was falling in love, Twylaspeak’s friends and family remained skeptical, and tried to convince her that online friends were just like imaginary friends. Still, she stuck to her guns and decided to travel to the US to meet her online beau. “We waited a year and a half before meeting each other and the meeting place was at his home in another country. I remember him telling me ‘come to the US and live with me, I don’t want you to return to Trinidad. I want us to get married and have kids.’” “It was risky but I dropped everything, gave up my life here and relocated to be with him. When we saw each other, there were no words. The first thing we did was to hug each other and share a long kiss as we stood in the parking lot of his home on a cold and rainy spring night.”

The two were married in 2005 and in 2009, renewed their vows in the presence of their two children. Twylaspeak believes meeting someone online is far easier than meeting them in a more traditional place such as a bar. “Yes, it is easier because your inhibitions never get in the way since you are not face to face with them like in a bar or a club. You hide behind a screen name and get to be yourself in a relaxed environment. In a bar, you may be a bit apprehensive to go up to someone that you think is attractive and tell him how you feel. Online you can simply reach out to the guy and tell him your feelings; whether he reciprocates or not you never have to feel embarrassed since it’s not happening in a public place or face to face. She said online you get to know a person better and not just fall for their good looks.

“You get to spend a lot of time talking to each other and getting to know each other’s heart and personality as opposed to a real life date where you are likely to get physical with the person at the end of the night. “I know someone who fell in love with an online person and the picture that they showed of themselves initially wasn’t their real picture at all. Yet the person couldn’t shake the feelings that she felt for the man and it was all because while the picture was an integral part of who the person was, she had fallen in love with his personality. Her advice to other women who are thinking of looking for love online is to go for it but do so cautiously. “Do not be too eager to meet in person unless you are absolutely sure about them. I always say go with your God feeling (not gut feeling), if you are not totally convinced that the person is truthful to you, then spare yourself the hurt and pain and move on. And when you do decide to meet the person you should have them meet you at a place that you want.

“Although it is a great feeling to be in love even with someone online, keep some of your relationship business to yourself as not everyone would be receptive to this type of dating. No matter how smitten you get, keep your head on, be alert and do your background checks. Like I said, the Internet is very resourceful; use it as much as you can,” she advised. “There are a lot of Internet dating scams out there where guys and girls are using pictures of models to attract others. Luckily there are several Web sites that not only have a dating scammer picture database for you to scan through but it also gives you the opportunity to upload your online friend’s picture to see if there is a match.”

By Laura Dowrich-Phillips